How to: Clean Your Butt Properly
Self-care starts with your rear. Yes, your hindquarters. Why is it that we know we need to take a shower to get good and clean, but after we go #2 we think wiping our mud flapper with dry toilet paper is truely leaving us poo-free? We pull up our pants and continue working and socializing. Did you know that most of the world uses clean flowing water to clean their booty after going #2 instead? France, Italy, South America, and many middle eastern countries prefer bidet over toilet paper.
Let's take a melted Hershey's bar and smear it all over a clean window of your house. How will we clean this mess up? Let's go get the garden hose and blast the window with a jet stream of water till its all washed away. Wow, that worked pretty well and the window is clear again! Now let's smear another window with a Hershey's chocolate bar. Oh no, It's covered in brown again. This time we'll go get some toilet paper. Pull a good stretch of TP off the roll and wad it up into a nice pile. Apply it to the window covered in melted chocolate in a swiping or scraping motion. Hmmm... seams the glass window is still brown and the mess is all over now. We accidentally got chocolate on our fingers! Eww. There's got to be a better way!!
Using a bidet to clean your apple bottom is healthier and more eco friendly than using toilet paper. It reduces urinary tract infections for women and can even help heal hemorrhoids! Other than being healthy and enjoyable for your badonkadonk, bidets are green for the environment. Did you know it takes 37 gallons of water to produce one roll of TP? A bidet will use about 2 gallons of water for the same usage and does not contribute to deforestation like TP. As a plumber, I unclog wads of toilet paper and "flushable" wipes from toilets and sewer lines on a weekly basis! My plumbing partners and I see the effects of flushing too much toilet paper or just a few flushable wipes into a septic system or city sewer. It causes clogs that back up sewage water into homes all over Athens Georgia and Oconee county every day. Dirty, labor intensive drain cleaning and snaking is required to remove the toilet paper and wipes to unclog the drain and regain flow to the outside of the home. Not to mention buying toilet paper and wipes every week adds up to a substantial cost month to month. We offer a solution: ditch the scratchy toilet paper and install a self cleaning bidet.
There are dozens of top rated models available for under $100 bucks! Some come with a wide array of options like warm water, pressure settings, rear or feminine mode, etc. Toilet paper is not cheap! Generally a bidet will pay for itself within a year of use and then its cash in your pocket after that. It's better hygiene for your two mounds of mischief, easier, and better for the environment! Just chocolate icing on the cake if you ask me! Give it a try and say goodbye to skid marks, you can thank me later.
-Plumber Zac with After Hours Plumbing-
520 Gaines School Rd. Athens GA, 30605